Accidental Brothers

Those of you who've read my blog probably know that I have two kiddos: Emily is 16 and Liam is 10. Andy also has a son, Iain, who is 2 months older than Liam.

Emily and I moved in May, while Liam stayed in Erie to finish out the school year with his dad. When we all moved in together in July, I'll admit I was anxious. The boys had spent time together, and seemed to get along, but living together (and sharing a bedroom) is a whole different can of worms.

As it turns out, apparently, I had nothing to worry about.

The boys have taken to each other as if they've always been together. They refer to each other as "brother," and they're almost always up to something.

It makes me very happy. Iain (the blonde in the photos) has always been an only child, so I worried about how he would take to having two new kids in his life. Given Liam and Em's age difference, life has almost been an "only child" type of experience for him as well.

So it's very nice for me to see them enjoying the fun that having a close sibling can bring. And I'm thinking it's pretty cool for them, too.

Silence and Respect

Yesterday, I mentioned that two of my favorite subjects (bugs and cemeteries) are abundant here. The bug photos from yesterday's post were all taken in my yard. For cemeteries, I do have to leave the property, but I don't have to go far.

I'll admit that my knowledge of Civil War history is basic at best, but I'm interested in learning more. There are some incredible monuments around the battlefields themselves. I'll share some shots of those in a future post. Many of them are actually quite heart-rending. There is also Soldier's National Cemetery (sometimes referred to as Gettysburg National Cemetery), where Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address, only about 10 miles away. More on this one later...I don't really feel that the photos I took there do it justice, so I want to make a return trip one of these days. For today, I'll share shots of Evergreen Cemetery, which borders the National Cemetery and also has much historic importance.

One of the largest graves is of the founder, or as his stone says, "proprietor" of Gettysburg, James Gettys.

The Gettysburg Women's Monument is also found in Evergreen Cemetery. Women of Gettysburg worked ceaselessly taking care of the soldiers who innundated their town. Their homes were turned into field hospitals and they had very little respite from the misery that surrounded them.

Here you can also find the grave of Jennie Wade, who was the only civillian killed in the Battle of Gettysburg. She was shot by a stray bullet while in her kitchen. Her gravestone says she was "making bread for Union soldiers."

And of course, in almost any cemetery with older graves, one can find monuments that make you pause...especially, for me, the children's graves. These are a lost art it seems.

And I'm not sure if this is intentional, but check out the middle spire on this one....not sure if it was intentional, but it looks like a skull to me.

Some Things Don't Change

I still like to take pictures of bugs. And cemeteries. Luckily, there's an abundance of both here.

A Long, Strange Trip

9 months. I haven't updated here in 9 months. That's a record, even for me, but my energies have been focused elsewhere. And when I consider the symbolism and meaning for humans of the term "9 months", I can tell myself that I'm giving birth to a new creation, and in fact have been reborn myself.

Nine months ago, I was coming out of a very dark place, and deciding that no, I wouldn't have a nervous breakdown after all. Given the events of last Fall, having mental health issues that would have required professional intervention beyond counseling or some happy pills was a real possibility. I skated right up to the edge of that, but was able to pull back in time with some help.

And how life has changed in the past year. If I'd had a crystal ball and had forseen my future, I still wouldn't have been able to believe all that has happened.

After living in Erie since 1998, I've moved. We're now down near Gettysburg in a tiny town called Fairfield. It's a beautiful area...lots of mountains and we live on a glorified pond that we call Lake Turner. I spend a lot of time pondering the incredible fact that I can drive through the heart of a Civil War battlefield to get to the grocery store.

I'm still not gainfully employed, which needs to change very soon, but it's been nice to have the time to be able to be home with the kids as Andy and I blend our families. He's a wonderful friend, and so obviously the person I should have been with all along.

He also cooks a mean lasagna.

I've been taking pictures again, which has been fun, and I'm interested in interacting with other people again, which is another change. Who knows what the future will bring, but it's nice to find myself enjoying the ride.

Poor Mr. Worthington

Poor, poor Mr. Worthington.

Ever the vigilant sentry, Mr. Worthington generally resides on the second step leading to my front door.

Right now, though, he's a little overwhelmed by the amount of snow we've had.

And you can tell he's not happy about it, but he never, ever complains.

Patterns

Wasn't the moon AMAZING the other night? I got out my telephoto lens and tripod and managed to get a couple of really cool shots!

OK, just kidding. That's not really the moon. It's frost on my storm door. But still pretty cool, no?

What drew me to take these shots was actually the different patterns and formations I could see in the frost.

And if you know anything about me at all, you know I find symbolism in almost anything. I think too much.

So the patterns I saw here made me consider patterns in general and how they're found throughout our lives. One of my resolutions (kind of a necessity, really) this year is to be more introspective and not so impulsive. I need to do this in order to identify patterns and stop making decisions that can sometimes be very wrong.
But in addition to that, these are just pretty, I think.

Moving Forward

Some of the changes that come our way are expected and manageable or even anticipated. For example, we expect to turn from this:

to this. And people are generally ready for it. Hell, some even like it.

But when we turn from this:

to this:

the changes that are forced upon us can be incredibly draining and unwelcome.

2009 was absolutely the worst year of my life, far and away. I'm not exaggerating in the least. Much of what has happened has been bad enough that it would make the producer of a Lifetime movie shake his head and say, "No, not realistic enough. No one would believe that." So at this point, I believe I have two choices.

I can curl up and wallow in misery and self-pity, or I can try to move through grief and pain, and stumble a lot on the way, but eventually, hopefully, get better. I tried the wallowing first. It didn't get me anywhere. So all that's left is the moving forward.

And some days are still incredibly difficult. But these days are coming just a little fewer and just a little farther between. I'm not all better yet, but unlike when everything first unravelled (and then burst into flames), I can see that there will be a day when I do feel better. That's definitely an improvement.

So I'm certainly not at the end of my path....but at least I'm on it.

There's a lot to do.I'm up for it.