So.
A lot of you who read this blog don't know me in person, but some of you do. If you've been reading for more than a few months, you can probably pick up on the fact that things run pretty hot-and-cold between my husband and I. It's been better for the past 6 months or so, but apparently our run is up. Truth be told, we are an incredibly bad match for one another and have stayed together all these years out of a combination of fear of the unknown, misguided attempts to keep things going for the kids, stubbornness, pity for each other, and some weird version of love (or co-dependence), I guess.
Nothing major has happened...we had a fight that most couples would weather in a couple of hours, and it ripped the scabs off the all the old wounds, revealing all the cancer that's long been festering underneath. There's no point in going on. We've been pretending for far too long already. The thing is, when one so-called "partner" in the relationship has been unemployed with no intention of trying to find any work for over a year, that "partner" is kind of shit-out-of-luck when it comes to having any money to get the hell out of the family domicile.
So.
On the Saturday before Easter, I find myself feeling somewhat bittersweet but hopeful in this season of renewal. I'm cool with having a roommate for a couple of months, as long as he can get his shit together. If he starts making my life any more miserable than he needs to, I can play rough too, but there's no need for that right now. For now, I'm going to look forward to the day when I can finally take a deep breath.
A lot of you who read this blog don't know me in person, but some of you do. If you've been reading for more than a few months, you can probably pick up on the fact that things run pretty hot-and-cold between my husband and I. It's been better for the past 6 months or so, but apparently our run is up. Truth be told, we are an incredibly bad match for one another and have stayed together all these years out of a combination of fear of the unknown, misguided attempts to keep things going for the kids, stubbornness, pity for each other, and some weird version of love (or co-dependence), I guess.
Nothing major has happened...we had a fight that most couples would weather in a couple of hours, and it ripped the scabs off the all the old wounds, revealing all the cancer that's long been festering underneath. There's no point in going on. We've been pretending for far too long already. The thing is, when one so-called "partner" in the relationship has been unemployed with no intention of trying to find any work for over a year, that "partner" is kind of shit-out-of-luck when it comes to having any money to get the hell out of the family domicile.So.On the Saturday before Easter, I find myself feeling somewhat bittersweet but hopeful in this season of renewal. I'm cool with having a roommate for a couple of months, as long as he can get his shit together. If he starts making my life any more miserable than he needs to, I can play rough too, but there's no need for that right now. For now, I'm going to look forward to the day when I can finally take a deep breath.
12 comments:
Amy - keep your chin up and family and good friends at hand. I can not, and will not, opine on what you are going through - whether it is good or bad. Only, keep you chin up and your loved ones close by to lean on and sound off thoughts and feelings. Have a Happy Easter and lovely visit with your brother.
These photographs are smart metaphors for what you are going through. Keep being smart, Amy. Hug those kids.
I'm so sorry, Amy. (((Big hugs))) for you and the kids.
I'll be thinking of you and I hope everything works out! =)
I'm so sorry to hear this. If it is any consolation these photos are a perfect illustration of the experience you are having.
{Hugs} and here to things going brighter for both of us.
Amy--you seem to have a good handle on all this; I hope that you continue to weather the rough times as they come. I'll be thinking of you. I really think the progression of the photos is extremely telling. Nice work.
I may not know you but I am sending you some hugs! I am hoping all the best for you. This kind of situation is hard but I know you will figure it all out in the end.
Sending you wishes and prayers for strength and comfort. Your photos are a beautiful expression of what you are going through.
Thank you for sharing your trials with your marriage. It can be tough out there, and sometimes I think we have had those moments where we all wanted to cash it in. I am sending you love and good spirits and praying that you are able to weather this storm. No ones tells you when you get married that it will be down-right shitty sometimes...i think that should actually be in the vows.
I wish you strength in the difficult time ahead. Those photos are very expressive of your situation and your feelings.
I truly hope things work out and you have true happiness. You did a great job conveying your feelings with these photos.
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